Thursday, July 23, 2009

truthworm

its unearthed
its naked and its squirming
its not dead
its not even close

Monday, April 6, 2009

Who told you that this was all there is?

http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/2009/04/512-thinking-youre-naked.html>

Thursday, April 2, 2009

don't call & don't write

jax was great. but i feel...off since my return.
back to work... that's routine.
but i can't help but feel something is off-kilter.
i find out from upenn next week...
my sister returned to chicago while i was away
i am trying to figure out this damn life of mine...
with grad school and plan Bs and switching car insurances.

sometimes i just want to get in my car and drive away.
and not come back
and not leave a forwarding address


Passion Pit | “Sleepyhead” (The Knocks Rmx) at EastofLA.com

Thursday, March 19, 2009

...

i heart birthdays.

Monday, February 23, 2009

my story

the moral of the story:

flattery will get you nowhere
but persistence will get you everywhere.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Sunday, February 8, 2009

writers block

This is no time to have a brain fart:(
I cannot think of good, solid ideas/examples.

Name a problem you have overcome?

Name a contemporary social problem....?

shoes with wheels

kool aid with too much sugar

ritalin....?

I DON'T KNOW. I AM FREAKING OUT. This is my way out of Cleveland. I can't mess this up. This is no time for writers block.

Monday, February 2, 2009

unbreakable

Have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?
Just a cage of rib bones and other various parts.
So it's fairly simple to cut right through the mess,
And to stop the muscle that makes us confess.
--breakable//ingrid michaelson

one of my kids told me today she was thinking about committing suicide.
these are the times I feel completely inadequate.
I have a savior complex a lil' bit.
I want to save everybody which is why I became a social worker in the first place.
I want a save her.
I talked to her mom who is more concerned about what others might think then, the well-being of her daughter.

And I am sick. Your daughter is asking for help. And if she dies her blood is on your hands because you were too damn embarrassed.

I am ill. So, in one regard there is utter disgust.
in another, relentless hope.

the heart is a muscle and like any other will stretch and adjust to the amount of weight and pressure put upon it.

I am not afraid that I am not cut out for this [job, career, stress]
I am afraid that I am.
My heart does not break. It will not shatter. It will go on pumping blood and... bleeding out compassion for the broken ones.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

J-O-B

please describe your current job.

I do EVERYTHING.

and if you need your car washed. I do that to.

and if you are under 13 years old and need a punchline

I'll be that, too.

I will write the last page of your grant and not take credit.

I will check out books from the library for your child's report.

I will file your FAFSA

and buy you a snickers bar

and never complain...

until now.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

His atonement for being a bad boyfriend is being a better friend.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

[not] waiting for literacy

I gave you a love letter

...but you don't know how to read!

so i must leave b/c it is far easier for
me to go and find someone who can read then,
to wait for this fool to be literate.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

my boy, brett & the taste of ice cream

given my fairly recent break-up i have been listening to a lot of whiny crooners that overly express their [often unrequited] love.

Their love follies...no one can help, but at least we can hear & most definitely in my case...empathize.

It makes me feel as though there are passionate people [most especially men] in the world that aren't stuffing their feelings in their pocket. That aren't afraid [atleast in song] to say the sappy shit...like "I will be the one who loves you the most"

or...." and I've been waiting all this life/ in the company of one/ and I know I am young
but I don't want to be alone"

or " I only wanted to be closer to you/i thought i had something to prove..."

I love this kid. I don't know him. But honest words put to music are hard to come by these days...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know much about love. Not much more than what I'm told. And that's fine. But I imagine its like a flavor of ice cream I have never tasted. People can describe it to you...tell you its the best. But its description does not compare to the taste.
You ever have one of those days?

...where every song that comes on the radio is telling your story.

first song: am i making the most of my life?
second song: you don't understand. i'm waiting for my real life to begin.
third song: i gotta get out of this town.

they all seem to be true. i talked to this guy here about it. he said it was so bad in the place [city] he was he thought he had missed God.

I never thought I had missed God when I decided to come back home. I felt quite the opposite, actually. I thought is I left prematurely or for the wrong place and ignored "His will" [its in quotations b/c I don't really know] I dont know I thought I 'd end up in a big fish, Jonah-style. I didn't want to be disobedient, but I didn't want to be unhappy either. And I couldn't for the life of me figure out which was more important obedience or happiness. The right to the pursuit of happiness is in the Constitution, but it isn't in the Bible. Not that we should suffer always, but we should be prepared to suffer.

But I am bleeding out. I am tired of being a living martyr and what I leave in Cleveland is not much more than what I came with. I leave failed relationships and mediocre churches and many disappointments. Home is supposed to be safe, not suffocating. But whether it is the appropriate time to go I believe God has left the door unlocked for me in a passively permissive sort of way. I feel as though this time in Cleveland was supposed to play out differently but its of no consequence now. Now, I am leaving [for real this time!!!]. With grad school comes a chance to skip town for good reasons...for adequate reasons. Reasons no one will question maybe not even God...