Saturday, July 12, 2008

my theme song






This is the start of a journey.
And my mind is already gone
And though there are other unknowns
Somehow this doesn’t concern me.


But I’m going on
And I’m prepared to go it alone

new[ness

on the other side of that glum post.

i love the possibility of what could be. in fact, i like what could be better than what is.

i love interviews.
i love first dates.
i like the first day of school.
i like traveling to new places.
i love that first single of that new band


i love anticipating new and different things.

the possibilities and many outcomes.

so, on with the newness...

I have a job lined up here in Cleveland but I am also straddling the possibility of being in Chicago and taking my friend's former position. I could do it. I could love it as I already love Chicago. And it could be great. We'll see..

we are the same.

you & me.

we're the same.

we're strong.

we are the same strong.

we are cut from the same stone.

and we feel the weight of our lives.

but it does not crush us.

we will not die.

i left my job yesterday. not abruptly, it was 4 weeks coming. and if we want to get specific-it was longer than that.
but i left my children, too. my precious children. I had been there almost a year and I had seen many come & go.
And I did not think I'd feel this way. But these kids burrowed their way into my heart.

And I must say I got a little choked up. I think things like this hit me until the very end. I had 4 weeks to let go and it still hurts. I love my kids and I will miss them very much. I just didn't know how much.

Monday, July 7, 2008

waiting

I have been reading this book called waiting. I borrowed it from my friend Glenn. It just about jumped out at me amidst the cluttered bookshelf filled with borrowed, stolen, free and a few bought books.

He asked me, "Are you waiting for something?"

He was joking, but he was right. He IS right.
I am waiting.

I rarely read a book that speaks to EXACTLY to my situation.

but its does.

its saying some radical things to me about how happiness is a gift and not a guarantee.

and i can't imagine anything better than my own manufactured happiness.
Even if God wanted to give me something more.
I think I trust myself more which is horrific conclusion to come to since I have been a self-professed Christian since age five.

I am in a wretched place simply because I feel when I picked up that book...I really picked up a mirror and its a rotten image I see...