Tuesday, August 26, 2008

this is a non-worrying zone.

I need to stop worrying. I mean, we know the deal. Not one day is added to our lives by worrying...and yet that doesn't stop us.

What are we stupid or something?

Maybe its our need for control or our compulsive desire to examine and re-examine the outcomes and consequences of our actions and others.

But none of that matters.

Each day has enough trouble of its own without being fixated on things you can't change.

So, what are we gonna do?

We're not gonna worry about it.

[and when I say, "we" I mean, "me"]

Saturday, August 23, 2008

I have a new car!!!

Not the one I was describing in the previous post. Those crazy people at Nissan scrapped the deal with some funky numbers.

BUT I just got a sexxy brown 08 kia sportage. Her name is Coco. She is the younger, prettier half-sister of Tula, the 98 black jeep grand cherokee, I used to drive.

I love it. Its been a long time coming. I gotta go. I am gonna go drive it right now.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

stop the madness

so, I have this thing. where everything is greener..elsewhere. I am just about to buy a car. I am so close its disgusting. I have been looking consistently for about 2 months. I almost signed the papers on the deal. And I just freaked out and said I'd sleep on it. The car is beautiful--belleza. Completely. Its used-gotta clean carfax. Black-30,000 on the dash, gets good MPG.

Did I mention its gorgeous. I scoured the car for every little imperfection. I was meticulous. I think at one point I sat in the trunk. And while I was implementing my meticulous inspection I saw a married couple admiring my car.

I said, "Yeah, isn't it great? I'm picking it up tomorrow."
Even though I had doubts about it. I wanted no one else to have it. NO ONE.
So why not just buy it?

a little thing called commitment. what if i find something better? theres always something better somewhere. and i just can't accept that there's something better somewhere else and I don't have it.

a better car
a better job
a better boyfriend

i am constantly looking for the next best thing. i have blogged about this before so consider this the addendum. but could I really believe that what I have right now isn't the best but it makes me happy. That I could be this weird thing called, "content."

Sunday, August 3, 2008

i found this one.

its unfinished like every poem i write...

The difference between birds and stones.

I was a bird
Spreading my ethereal and whimsy
with each press of my wing
I was the length of beauty
my own wingspan of capability
I was the beginning and end of all my possibilities
my hope carried me
And on endless dreams I soared
I was a stone. Heavy and burdensome. I fell on the dream.
And under the weight/ crushed all its potential.
And turned it to dust.