I have been reading this book called waiting. I borrowed it from my friend Glenn. It just about jumped out at me amidst the cluttered bookshelf filled with borrowed, stolen, free and a few bought books.
He asked me, "Are you waiting for something?"
He was joking, but he was right. He IS right.
I am waiting.
I rarely read a book that speaks to EXACTLY to my situation.
but its does.
its saying some radical things to me about how happiness is a gift and not a guarantee.
and i can't imagine anything better than my own manufactured happiness.
Even if God wanted to give me something more.
I think I trust myself more which is horrific conclusion to come to since I have been a self-professed Christian since age five.
I am in a wretched place simply because I feel when I picked up that book...I really picked up a mirror and its a rotten image I see...