Saturday, August 25, 2007

most of the time we run

...but sometimes we need to stay.

I don't know. I have a job interview in NYC with Vera Institute of Justice of prestigious non-profit that does work with blah-de-blah-blah. You get the jiff I am excited or was excited.

Let me rewind...
I put in my 2 weeks notice at Ol' Slavy and I never have felt better. I think retail was killing my soul. I'm suddenly a lil' more...cheerful at work.

I put in my 2 weeks because I got an offer or a potential offer from a non-profit social service org near my neighborhood. They don't pay nearly as much as I would like but if I hang up one more pair of pants they're going to be attached to someone.

Then I get a call from this local cafe [ a place I tossed my resume at while I was the bowels of retail hell] I interview the same day...I like the guy [ the boss we bonded over sergio mendes and justin timberlake] so, I agree to work for him on the weekends. I was trying to remain vague and open-minded but I ended up eager and jumping the gun.

But wait...I have an interview in NYC in 2 weeks...so why did I agree to serve coffee here? I don't know. Suddenly, I don't feel good about it, but I love New York and they pay enough...not amazing, but enough.

But I feel like its not adding up. I may be working with what my papa affectionately calls, "known felons" on home visits...? There's something about this that makes me not want it... I'm being vague and it sounds like I'm taking ex-cons out for their birthday but...that's the thing I don't even know. Anyway, I'm done with talking about that...

Its hard to keep track of everything[ so many jobs, so much ambition and disappointment]...someone once told me the first 6 mos/yr after you graduate is the worst...and they were right.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

one ticket to crazytown, please

i am so angry with the state of my life right now. i am so dissatisfied words cannot express. i am an extremely ambitious person and I am used to getting what I want. Not in a "I want that gucci bag, daddy, can you please get it for me?" type of way but in a "I am going to succeed in my endeovers even if I have to punch someone dead in the face." type of way. I think I derserve everything I get and more.

If I think I deserve better I can get it. If I want it I deserve to have it. And if its mine I have every reason to keep it.
now, maybe this seems to be the mindset of some fascist dictator and not a 22 year old and i don't need anyone to tell me i have entitlement issues.

but dammit i had plans...i still have plans. but working retail is boiling up all my intellect. i have a fucking bachelor's and that means something. and i know i will eventually have a job that i can be proud of...but this is a rant [its loosely based on reality] and this ticket to crazy town is round trip so, gimme a minute.

coming back home is like going back in time. i was 22. i was an intern. a go-getter. a loudmouth who wouldn't take no for an answer. now i'm 16 again. nobody knows me or cares. i'm the girl at old navy who can't ring people up correctly and doesn't say much.

cleveland is eating me all up. atleast at wheaton i had a niche. a corner. a square inch unmarked by wheaton's pretension. not here. cleveland's cornier than ever and i don't have a spot to stand on.

the new york interview was a joke. the organization was so disorganized they neglected to give me a time in which to meet them and by then it was too late to book tix to NYC. what a waste. i don't wanna work for someone that unorganized.

i am trying not to be too desperate but what is taking so damn long?