Thursday, July 26, 2007

what's new

* i got pulled over 3 days ago {after incessantly bragging that i've never been pulled over, go figure}...for failure to yield. i had a whole epic post about it and then decided it wasn't that deep. i did cut a cop car off, but i didn't do anything wrong. got it? cut him off...did absolutely nothing wrong. anyway, didn't get a tix...if i see another a cop [ever] it'll be too soon.

* i'm going on vaca with the fam to the northeast...a road trip [in typical thomas family style] to connecticut, rhode island and boston. it's a relief from the monotony of job, eat, sleep [repeat].

* while on vaca, i'm gonna slip away to NYC for a job interview. i don't wanna talk about it cos I don't wanna jinx myself.

* i'll hear back next week for the adoption consultant position next week. i dreamt i didnt get the job...maybe its prophetic, maybe it neurotic. i'll find out next week.

* thinking about getting a haircut. something DRASTIC.


ps finally discoverd the goofy fx on my MAC photobooth. please enjoy.

y'know some people say i have a big mouth.

...and a big forehead.

and an alien.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

i'm a big kid now.

money always eludes me. how am i supposed to be this responsible adult without it? when do we grow up? there's know notable birthdays that mark our passage into adulthood [after 18] so, when does it happen? when we pay our first bill or get our own place?
and while were asking questions...

...what happens to a dream deferred?

Sunday, July 15, 2007

& then my past came running up to meet me.

so, remember when i told you guys i have lost contact with a few people purposefully? well today as i left sevenoseven i ran right into 5 people from that past i tried to leave behind. not to be ultra dramatic but they were all affiliated with a church that was really detrimental to my faith & to separate myself from that...inadvertently i separated myself from them, too.

well, just as i left church this evening i hear someone scream out my name, "KIM THOMAS!" Without even looking up I thought, uh-oh. But though i have nothing in common with these people [or so i say]. it just doesn't seem right to blow people off like i did.

and then i went to postsecret & saw this:

it made me rethink all those excuses i was making...

Monday, July 9, 2007

people are just people

NOTE: contrary to popular belief...i don't think i'm bitter about wheaton...or as bitter [as some people]. there were some fun times there but there were equally some VERY difficult times. but saying that, i don't think i could have gone anwhere else and gained the same valuable perspective i have of the world. did i fit in? hell no. but i think that many people [more than i originally thought] felt similarly. i think i could have done things differently [been a bit more friendly] but it happens. -fin-

now for a funny story:
i'm hanging out at my spot in coventry just outside talking on the phone and this white man in a cabana hat & hawaiian shirt [ who doesn't look a day younger than 300 yrs old] belts out, "you look like my new wife! you look great." i looked at him [thank god i was wearing shades to hide the utter disbelief in my eyes] and thought, "oh no that can't be...that's not possible." i laughed a nervous laugh and our bizarre interaction ended.

aside from that i had a lot of fun at coventry just people-watching...some random band [y'know the emo types] was shuffling all their equipment into the grog shop [ a concert venue on coventry]. there were young people, old people and it was just fun to see them all in one place. i guess thats one thing i like about areas in cleveland. they're not pretentious...old people & young people can have the same favorite spot in town. which is nice.

ps it was hot as hell today.

pps i'm stuck to the couch

Sunday, July 8, 2007

never a wheatie or laying down the stones

i randomly found myself on the wheaton college website and decided to take a glance at the new orientation committee [OC]. which if you don't know is very hyped on campus as they have the "prestigious" position of ushering in all the new rugrats on campus. i have a pretty good opinion of them as i loved my orientation commitee and entertained the idea of being on OC myself.

but i had no regre ts as i scrolled down the page of unrecognizable faces on the committee. you have to LOVE wheaton to be apart of something like that & since i specialize in honesty i could not pretend to be head over heels about this institution. as i was reading ea. person's blurb they have to answer silly qs like what their favorite place on campus. i thought about our tiny plot of land and was perplexed...did i even "hang" on campus? was there a hotspot [that i didn't know about]? i thought to myself, "well, i take powernaps in the prayer chapel and i'm sure duane litfin [our president] would have loved to hear that...


i went to sevenoseven tonight. and i really liked it---not because they did anything unique, but because God was there. now, i have been an avid "church shopper" since my days at wheaton [ whose claim to fame is the most churches per square mile]. but i don't have the "luxury of choosiness" nor do i need it in cleveland. i just wanna go where God is.

the church had some "in-house business" to address about a portion of their team that had fallen into some sin that had proved detrimental to the church community as well as his wife and family. i don't have the nitty-gritty details but the whole staff seemed pretty broken up about it. & its worthy of being sad. but i'm glad they emphasized restoration for this staff member. i almost thought as i was sitting in the pew. are they embarrassed, as a new person to the church, do they wonder if i'll even come back? but as much as i can be an ass & extremely judgmental. i won't turn my face from vulnerability-from humility-from open & honest confession. nope, i can't do it. i have to lay down my stones like everybody else and go back home.

so i guess i said all that to say-i like the church. i like its humility & solid foundation in the word & i respect the staff. i can't wait to go back next sunday:)

Saturday, July 7, 2007

ugly on a sunday

for the past 4 years i have done a very good job of dropping the dead weight from life back home. that has sometimes meant people and at other times bad habits. And i don't know if that was the best decision, but i stand by it like most of the decisions i've made.

it has left me without a church community but sometimes i think that the one i had did me more harm than good.

i once told a friend of mine that if i had to go off my own experience with churches i would have lost faith in the idea of church community years ago. but thank GOD that the church is more than just people and their faithless ways.

its the one place where you're supposed to feel at home. but i have never felt more awkward than at church. sure you wanna be open & get involved & establish relationships. but i often find people's inclination toward me arbitrary or at best novel [which is prolly why i tend to be weary].

and with most of my family not attending church...i am not given much incentive [not that i should require any].
but i just think of high school and attending youth group for 4 years and i didn't feel anymore apart than the first day i had walked through the door [scared & uncertain]. & there are reasons for that---reasons that i won't get into right now [ remember? i'm not into long blogs].

the church can be so ugly but i wrote about it today to say that i looked up this young adult bible study that meets at 7:07 every sunday hence the name sevenoseven. and even though i don't know anybody & in some ways i will be shuffling through the doors like the shifty fourteen year old i was years ago...i'm not disheartened & i'm unafraid. because i'm not 14 anymore. and going to a new church may not seem like a big deal to you guys but its a big deal to me given my past.

but i'll let you know how it goes...

Friday, July 6, 2007

this is where we go when we run away.

i had a lil' breakdown today. don't get me wrong i LOVE my family, but i am losing my mind. they are driving me crazy. the absurdity that is my family can only be handled in small doses. and i'm about to OD. i've toyed with the idea of going back to chicago for awhile and staying with my sister.

chicago in the summer is fun, light & exciting. but come winter in bundles up like everywhere else in the midwest. and i guess i say that to mean i have to make sure my motives for leaving cleveland are legitimate.

make no mistake if i laid out the pros and cons right now of both cities chicago would win by a landslide but i'm a practical girl [sometimes] and i need a sense of purpose to go to chicago & stay.

:::other ideas i've toyed with:::

a road trip. where? to michigan to see this pastor by the name of rob bell & a church, mars hill [which sounds like a WB sitcom but it is completely legit]. in my disillusioned days since graduation. mr. bell's sermons online are the only thing that seem to be getting through to me.
Q: so, how did i come to know mr. bell?
A: well, like all good lil' theologians he attended wheaton college [note the sarcasm]
he was one of our chapel speakers that came my freshman year. and had i known then that that would be the best chapel [ a close second: a fella by the name of mr. shane claiborne] i ever attended in my time at wheaton i would have listened a lil' more closely. but nevertheless i was struck by his relevance to the times. i think that is the most important thing a christian can be---is relevant. i believe it is the one of our biggest threats as well [atleast that's what i wrote in my final christian thought paper].
i highly recommend listening to some of his sermons online:

anyway, i want to drive up to michigan and sit in on a sermon. i think that would be amazing.

anyway, i have this thing against blogs being too long so, i'm done.

ps i want to get back into painting too.

pps my cat is trying to eat some flowers i have stuck in a vase near my bed right now.

bawk, bawk, bawk...

my dad just left a msg on my cell phone imitating a chicken. if there was any confusion this is the type of family i have...

we never take anything seriously.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

what makes me happy

after a horrible disillusioned rant i thought i'd end with...what makes me happy in my transitional days at home in cleveland...

flight of the conchords: 2 kids from new zealand who have their own show on HBO [sunday nights]. they are SO freaking hilarious. everything about them is absurd & slightly inappropriate [ my favorite type of humor]

random trips to coventry: an odd quarter-mile of road where i can get gelato, hear some indie bands, listen to some poetry readings, buy some used books & peruse the weirdest toys i've seen in a crazy store called BIG FUN

cleveland institute of art: its tiny. art is not exactly poppin off in cleveland but i like student art. they have a teeny tiny gallery inside the institute i used to go there a lot in high school & had a few things displayed there from some art classes i took. i once saw this huge display of a man consuming a cow but the cow was unphased and it appeared that the cow was wearing a man suit. if it sounds disturbing its b/c it was but i thought it was great commentary on consumerism. y'know basically the premise is out of our "necessity for materials" who ends up being the consumer and who ends up being the consumed.

regina spektor:
listen to: the ghost of corporate future, samson, dusseldorf, better, baobabs & bartender

arizona iced tea: i don't know if anybody knew this but this is the only thing i drank in DC on a consistent basis & is the only thing i drink now. so thank you arizona iced tea company & the state of arizona without which i might be parched right now.

this list has already turned ridiculous so i'm done.


i'm in transition.

& i am still awake SO i thought i'd do a lil' blogging. tons of things have happened i just haven't been writing them all--on paper or anything! which is a big deal for me. i can't even locate my journal & most of my stuff is in boxes after being home for almost 2 mos. LAME. there's really no excuse for living out of suitcase when you're home.


but i want a home of my own. doesn't have to be big or anything it just has to be mine.

I have been working at old navy recently better known as ol' slavy. And i think that my parents would rather me atleast get a temp job working somewhere else. but i don't even want to PRETEND to drop anchor in cleveland. :::this god-forsaken place::: there is absolutely nothing for me here. Before this summer i hadn't spent longer than 2 mos. consecutively here since my high school graduation, so that goes to show how much i have invested in my hometown.

As much as i ragged on wheaton [and i don't wish i was back for a sec.] it gave many opportunities that i don't think i would have even wanted otherwise.

i was talking to the director of this adoption agency in an interview a couple weeks ago and she was very interested in all my adventures i had had [ here & abroad]. And these people just assume that you did this for college credit and a look of shock comes across their faces when you tell them. As if no one could possibly want to do something that didn't serve themselves. The same thing happened when I interviewed for this caseworker position in chicago. why is it so shocking to want to help people and to know its gonna stress you out, but you wouldn't want it any other way.

i dont know what this post degenerated into but i felt like i needed to say that.
i'm in transition....anyway watch for more frequent posting perhaps with some poems & other stuff...