Tuesday, May 29, 2007

el futuro & other shit like that

Y'know I've been a bit mopey lately. Not wanting to write because the same thing consumes me & 10 posts that say the same thing...well, that just ain't cool. so, whats the thing? :::sigh::: a job. My name is Kim and I am a busybody. :::collectively the crowd says, "HI, KIM."::: I guess Wheaton has trained me well. I am not a woman of leisure. I am a woman of drama, tragedy & tasteless humor, but not of leisure. I need to work until my hair falls out or find some horribly tragic cause to put my heart through the grinder for. Some gruesome schedule to propel me into the next decade. I cannot sit still...and thats what this summer has been. At home life slows waaaaaaaaayyyy doooooowwwwwwwwnn. I never spent too many summers at home & now I have little to come home to (save family, but it is enough).

I could return to Chicago, but for what? All I do is romp around but what I really want is something I can pour myself into to.

I talked to my super-ambitious friend Nicole [one of a couple people I've kept in contact with since high school] today. She'll be getting her PH.D in Soc in 5 yrs from Penn State. impressive. She always was. I can't help but be a bit envious--not because I want a PH.D but because I want a plan. But she reassured me. I've always been the adventurous one [mixed in with bouts of pragmatism] I've travelled seen all kinds of places & I can't believe I am so keen on trading it in for a 9 to 5.

I said this once and maybe I'll believe it again.

My whole life. The door is blown wide open by promise and opportunity. I could be anything, do anything & go anywhere. All I have are options and all I've got is time.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

{untitled} epiphany

i'm realizing that my sense of humor is :::generally::: offensive. whoops.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Friday, May 18, 2007

paul klee

went to the art institute yesterday and this was by far my favorite painting...

cleveland, where i hide my face

I need to...go...home. I need to go home, now. chicago has become this horrible tease in which i live and yet have no job. to remain here would be a mockery to my post-grad transition. to be a moocher, a squatter in the windy city was NOT one of career goals. i must take myself home...and sort myself out.

being unemployed is SO unbecoming.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

not a winner

that interview kicked my ass. i arrived early by an hour a half and waited in the waiting rm until called around 130. for the next 3.5 hrs i was utterly tortured with written & oral exams---dense, dramatic scenarios in which i had to pretend to be a social worker [which i have lil' faith that i have the ability to be]. the owrst was the spanish portion. i am good at spanish...but being good at spanish and being spanish-speaking are obviously different. And all those times feeling uncomfortable...and hesistant about speaking spanish just came back to me.

i wouldn't care as much but i suffer from OVER-confidence and generally go around thinking i'm the shit and it shook my confidence a bit.

they said they would try to reschedule the oral portion...but i don't know if its worth it because if i get the job...i'd still struggle.

job-searching is a bitch.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007


This week...

watching: half nelson
dying to read: bastard out of carolina
coveting the artwork of: lorna simpson
scared shitless by: 28 wks. later
stuffing my face with: jimmy john's
anticipating: grey's anatomy!

rainy, rainy

so, i waited to the last minute to map out a route to my interview which is tomorrow. :::in true kim fashion::: i made the hike down to the southside via the red line [all the way to 63rd] where I then needed to catch a bus...to find the Cook Co. South location of DCFS.

i found myself in the company of all black patrons as I rode southbound [ which made no difference to me//felt like home] but it is worthy of noting because usually I find myself surrounded by a sea of white faces on the northside sans uptown.
but this is obvious. Saying black people overwhelmingly live on the southside is like stating that the sky is blue. I know the history as good as anyone else...i just wish we could change it...

speaking of idealism...this segues quite nicely into the idealist.org-sponsored job fair i attended today with grace & esther. out of the 75 organizations nothing looked enticing except a national urban fellows program [intended for those looking for a mid-career switch]. has the desperation not set in quite yet? i know what i want to do---all i have to do is find it [ i can't settle...yet// or at all]. the guy @ nat'l urban fellows was encouraging, even though I was too young to apply, he told me I was on the right track & he told me not to pay for grad school [ a hint that I could...eventually be a fellow]. sure his encouragement guarantees nothing but for a brokeass college grad a lil' encouragement can go a looooong way.

Monday, May 14, 2007


BTW... I graduated from WC and from xanga to blogger. new phase, some change & a new journal to boot...

ps Do I look like an adult yet???

squatting in the chi*

I am staying with my sister for a couple wks...just until I have my interview [which is Wednesday]. I'm nervous because I want it so badly and this is a serious interview[ 2-3 hours long!] Apparently, the state of IL doesn't play. That's whose interviewing me IL's Dept. of Children & Family Services. It is my first face to face interview which honestly can't be any worst than my phone ones [I once missed a phone interview by an hour due to different time zones ].

Did I ever tell you I love chicago in the summer? It serves as the best distraction from imminent real world responsibilities. I have been gallivanting [that's right gallivanting] around the city visiting friends...stopping at random "L" stops to see what there is to see. I have been secretly trying to find my niche in this city... as if I'll be back here [which isn't certain].

So far this is what I've found...the Northside is overwhlemingly full of posers.
Belmont: fake ass hipsters & generally pleasant gay men
Addison: Wrigleyville is not my favorite because...well...Cubs fans are not my favorite
Diversey & Fullerton: college students & Gucci-clad bores
And then there's Uptown which holds nothing but good memories from when I visited friends in the ol' WIC apts. Studying @ the Borders...getting questionable shakes from Uptown BBQ (the greeks).
Anything North of Sheridan I have, as of yet, to have an impression [i'll let you know when it impresses me].
But I do like Evanston's movie theater but that is all the purple line has proven good for thus far.