Saturday, July 7, 2007

ugly on a sunday

for the past 4 years i have done a very good job of dropping the dead weight from life back home. that has sometimes meant people and at other times bad habits. And i don't know if that was the best decision, but i stand by it like most of the decisions i've made.

it has left me without a church community but sometimes i think that the one i had did me more harm than good.

i once told a friend of mine that if i had to go off my own experience with churches i would have lost faith in the idea of church community years ago. but thank GOD that the church is more than just people and their faithless ways.

its the one place where you're supposed to feel at home. but i have never felt more awkward than at church. sure you wanna be open & get involved & establish relationships. but i often find people's inclination toward me arbitrary or at best novel [which is prolly why i tend to be weary].

and with most of my family not attending church...i am not given much incentive [not that i should require any].
but i just think of high school and attending youth group for 4 years and i didn't feel anymore apart than the first day i had walked through the door [scared & uncertain]. & there are reasons for that---reasons that i won't get into right now [ remember? i'm not into long blogs].

the church can be so ugly but i wrote about it today to say that i looked up this young adult bible study that meets at 7:07 every sunday hence the name sevenoseven. and even though i don't know anybody & in some ways i will be shuffling through the doors like the shifty fourteen year old i was years ago...i'm not disheartened & i'm unafraid. because i'm not 14 anymore. and going to a new church may not seem like a big deal to you guys but its a big deal to me given my past.

but i'll let you know how it goes...

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